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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650966">Wish I were (Heather)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyn_writer/pseuds/lyn_writer'>lyn_writer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lyn's Songfics [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Boys In Love, Confessions, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Lesbian Suki (Avatar), Light Angst, Love Confessions, Multi, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One Shot, POV Sokka (Avatar), POV Zuko (Avatar), Past Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Pining, Song Lyrics, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Songfic, Sort Of, Sweaters, Tags Are Hard, a lil spoiler for the fic, at the end</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:07:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,473</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyn_writer/pseuds/lyn_writer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's funny how a sweater pulled us apart, and another brought us back together.</p><p>Lyrics from Heather by Conan Grey</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang/Teo (Avatar), Katara/Suki (Avatar), Mai &amp; Ty Lee &amp; Zuko, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka &amp; Suki &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka &amp; Suki (Avatar), Sokka &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), the gaang - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lyn's Songfics [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868146</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wish I were (Heather)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Petal/gifts">Lost_Petal</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Del. I am weak for these boys okay</p><p>I jump around with the lyrics but you should totally listen to the song while reading it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPUg7n8-M6o">here</a>!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>I still remember<br/></em> <em> Third of December</em></p><p>“It’s cold.”</p><p>You paused the music flowing from the tiny speaker and looked back at me, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“You’re hoarding my blankets, how are you still cold?”</p><p>I pulled the covers closer to me, faking a shiver.</p><p>“Sokka, I’m freezing.”</p><p>You breathed a soft chuckle that bounced around in my heart and got up from beside me to open and scan your closet. The fading light streaming in from your window turned your hair into caramel strands, dipping you in honey colored rays.</p><p>I watched as you pulled out a deep blue sweater that matched your eyes. You held it up, looked at it for a few moments, nodded, and tossed it to me. </p><p>The fabric smelled like a warm breeze, salty yet sweet. It smelled like the beach, a day basking in the sun, feet buried in the sand next to crashing waves. It smelled like warmth and comfort and home. It smelled like you.</p><p>I slipped it on and felt a rush of glee spread throughout my body. The sleeves extended past my hands, and I immediately waved them at you. Again, you laughed and plopped back down.</p><p>“Thanks.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself. You simply smiled, dimples appearing.</p><p><em>Me in your sweater<br/></em> <em> You said it looked better</em></p><p>“It looks better on you than me.” </p><p>
  <em>On me than it did you<br/>Only if you knew</em>
</p><p>Oh, if only you knew. </p><p>Ignoring my thoughts, I asked you to start the music back up again.</p><p>
  <em> How much I liked you<br/>But I watched your eyes </em>
</p><hr/><p>Right before winter break started, a new girl transferred from a private school. She introduced herself as Suki. You immediately took a liking to her and became friends, integrating her into our group. </p><p>I spent most of winter break with my mother all the way across the country, so I wasn’t able to talk with you often. We messaged when we could, and you would always be the first and last person I talk to.</p><p>When it was time to head back to school, no one told me about you and her. The two of you. Together.</p><p><em>Watch as she stands<br/></em> <em> With her holding your hand</em></p><p>So when I saw her giggling next to you, wearing a polyester sweater that I know is yours, I couldn’t help but stare. </p><p>You noticed me and waved, but I turned away. I heard you call after me, but I can’t. I can’t face you. Not when you look at her like she’s your world, like how I wished you would look at me.</p><p>So I just breathe. I walk. Ignore.</p><p>It’s fine.</p><p>
  <em>Put your arms ‘round her shoulder<br/>Now I’m getting colder</em>
</p><p>Every time I saw you, Suki was always there. Holding your hand, tucked under your arm, sitting on your lap. </p><p>You don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand.</p><p>It’s fine.</p><p>It would have been easy to hate her if she were mean and rude. I hoped she had a hidden dark side that would cause you to push her away. </p><p><em>But how could I hate her?<br/></em> <em> She’s such an angel</em></p><p>But no, she’s perfect. She’s kind, sweet, beautiful, funny, everything you could ever wish for. An angel.</p><p>It’s fine.</p><p>You call and text, even banging at my door to open up. But I never answer. I feel my heart splintering when I hear your pleading voice, wet and riddled with emotions, but I can’t. </p><p>Eventually, you stop. You stop reaching out, and I don’t know whether to be relieved or anxious. Days pass since you last tried to contact me, then weeks.</p><p>I haven't talked to you in months.</p><p>It’s fine.</p><p>I’m fine.</p><p><em> But then again<br/></em> <em> Kinda wish she were dead </em></p><hr/><p>The end of the year talent show comes up, and I sign up, like I’ve always done. Solo, ever since Jet was expelled.</p><p>
  <strike> I don’t have you to playfully nudge at me and ask if I’m going to do something other than sing. </strike>
</p><p>I search for songs to cover, but countless videos later, still nothing clicks.</p><p>
  <strike> I don’t have you to complain to when I get stuck or when an ad plays. I don’t have you to pluck my phone out of my hands and remind me to eat. </strike>
</p><p>This year, I decide to try something different.</p><p>
  <strike> It’s different when you’re not next to me. </strike>
</p><p>I write lyric after lyric, strum chord after chord, but I can’t do it.</p><p>
  <strike> Not without you. </strike>
</p><p>I turn to Mai and Ty Lee, the only friends I have since I drifted from <strike> you</strike> my old friend group. I tell them everything. <strike>The way I used to tell you everything.</strike> They help me. <strike> Just like you did. </strike></p><p>It’s the day of the show, and I can’t help but be nervous. I’ve never done an original song before.</p><p>
  <strike> I wish you were here to tell me a joke, give me a hug, say I’ll do great. </strike>
</p><p>My name is called out from the speakers, and the crowd responds with a fairly loud cheer. The announcer pats my shoulder as she passes by.</p><p>I don’t look out at the crowd.</p><p>
  <strike> I don’t want to look at you. </strike>
</p><p>My guitar strap digs into my shoulders, my throat feels itchy, my palms are sweaty. I look back at Mai and Ty Lee, who nod encouragingly. I clear my throat.</p><p>“This song is titled Heather. I hope you enjoy it.”</p><p>Take a breath.</p><p>Place your hands.</p><p>Play.</p><p>Guitar streams out from the speakers, and I open my mouth.</p><p>“ZUKO!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> As she walks by </em>
</p><p>I look up, and there you are, staring at me.</p><p>
  <em> What a sight for sore eyes </em>
</p><p>You grin, focused on me like I'm the only one you can see.</p><p>
  <em> Brighter than a blue sky </em>
</p><p>Were your eyes always such a bright blue?</p><p>
  <em> She’s got you mesmerized </em>
</p><p>You stare, mesmerized, as I continue singing.</p><p>
  <em> While I die </em>
</p><p>I notice Suki at your side as she whispers to you. I halt. Tears blur my vision. I can't play anymore. My voice won’t come. </p><p>So instead, I go.</p><p><em> Why would you ever kiss me?<br/></em> <em> I’m not even half as pretty </em></p><p><em> You gave her your sweater<br/></em> <em> It’s just polyester </em></p><p>
  <em> But you like her better<br/>Wish I were Heather</em>
</p><hr/><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Zuko doesn’t look up. The gentle lapping of the pond against the bank and the turtleducks quacking softly the only sounds.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Sokka fidgets, but he still doesn’t turn. The silence stretches the tension between the two until Zuko feels arms wrap around him.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>Zuko tries to turn and face him, but Sokka buries his face further into the other’s back, voice cracking. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it, so please-”</p><p>“Sokka-”</p><p>“I don’t- I don’t want you to- Don’t leave me. P- Please.”</p><p>“Sokka.”</p><p>Zuko pries him off to hug him properly.</p><p>“It’s not your- It was my fault. I’m the one who should be apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong but I pushed you away- I- I’m so sorry-”</p><p>The tears fall freely, streaming down their faces as they cling to each other, trembling.</p><p>“I was so stupid-”</p><p>“No you weren’t-”</p><p>“Yes, yes I was! I let my feelings get in the way of our friendship-”</p><p>“Wait. F- Feelings?”</p><p><em>Why would you ever kiss me?<br/></em> <em> I’m not even half as pretty</em></p><p>Zuko chokes. He scrambles to his feet, looking down, and begins to back away.</p><p>“No- I’m- I’m- Sorry- I’ll just-”</p><p>He doesn’t finish. He can’t, with lips pressed to his, hands grasping his cheeks, warmth drawing him in.</p><p>Zuko can’t break free, so he doesn’t. He lets himself get lost in the feeling of kissing his best friend, pressing back against the other man, running his hands through Sokka’s hair, imprinting this moment into his memory, even if this ruins everything.</p><p>They part, panting for breath. Zuko’s eyes meet Sokka’s. </p><p>“Zuko, I- I like you.”</p><p>His breath catches. He can’t mean-</p><p>“No, wait, I don’t like you.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>“I- I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it, but- I love you, Zuko. I love the way you squint when you smile, I love how you stare off into space when you’re thinking, I love how you never let anyone or anything stop you from doing what you think is best, I love how even though your voice isn’t perfect you still sing with such emotion, I-”</p><p>Sokka swallows. </p><p>“I’ve completely fallen for you, Zuko. I love you.”</p><p>“What about Suki?”</p><p>“Suki? She’s just a friend.”</p><p>Zuko takes a step back. “What about the sweater, and the hand-holding, and the sitting on your lap-”</p><p>“You think me and-” Sokka’s shoulders bounce with his laughter, and though he’s confused, Zuko can’t help but melt at the familiar sound.</p><p>Sokka regains his composure and pulls Zuko closer. “Suki likes girls.”</p><p>Zuko blinks. “Huh?”</p><p>“She likes girls, Zuko, I don’t know how you didn’t notice.” Sokka smiles as Zuko processes the information. “Sure, I liked her at first, but after she told me, I stopped trying to pursue her. Actually, I’m kind of trying to set her up with Katara.”</p><p>Zuko can only blink again. </p><p><em>You gave her your sweater<br/></em> <em> It’s just polyester</em></p><p>“Wh- What about the sweater?” </p><p>Sokka tilts his head. “Sweater?”</p><p>“The sweater you lent her? On- On the first day back from winter break?”</p><p>“I spilled coffee on her by accident.” He presses a kiss to Zuko’s temple. “You overthink too much.”</p><p>“Wasn’t that your favorite sweater, though?” Zuko asks. Sokka shakes his head. </p><p>“Nope. You wanna know which sweater is my favorite?” </p><p>
  <em>But you like her better</em>
</p><p>Zuko nods, and Sokka leans forward to murmur into his ear.</p><p>“You’re wearing it.”</p><p>
  <em>Wish I were</em>
</p><hr/><p>Extra: Sokka's POV</p><p>“Toph, I told you, I don’t want to go-”</p><p>“Nope, you’re going, you have no choice-”</p><p>I make a desperate grab at the door frame, but Toph yanks me out of reach. Curse her and her insane strength. </p><p>She drops me into the backseat of Suki’s car, where she and Katara are already seated. Aang was already there with Teo. I huff. “I don’t want to go.”</p><p>“Well, too bad,” Toph snarks, clicking her seatbelt into place. “You’ve been moping around for months now. It was hard enough seeing you and Sparky dance around each other before-”</p><p>“We didn’t dance around each other-”</p><p>“Quiet!” Katara interrupts, glaring from the passenger seat. “Sokka, you used to drag all of us to go to the talent show to watch Zuko, it’s only fair that we do it to you now.”</p><p>I roll my eyes, but Katara takes that as an agreement and turns back to Suki. “Let’s go.”</p><p>“Anything for you, Katara.” Suki winks and starts up her engine, missing the way the other girl reddens. “All buckled in? Alright, here we go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please welcome to the stage, Zuko Huo, as he performs an original song!”</p><p>Wait, original song? He said he'd never do that ever since Jet. I jerk my head up to see Zuko trudge onto the stage.</p><p>He looks thinner and paler than I remember, keeping his gaze trained on the floor. He clears his throat.</p><p>“This song is titled Heather. I hope you enjoy it.”</p><p>He sits on the stool set up for him and takes a breath. His guitar fills the air, and- wait.</p><p>That sweater. It’s mine. He’s wearing my sweater. My sweater that I lent him all those months ago, why is he wearing my-</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>Zuko opens his mouth, and everything else seems to disappear. The lyrics hit me. Why were we fighting again? It seemed so pointless to distance myself in hindsight, and all I want now is for Zuko to see me.</p><p>Look up. Look at me. See me. Zuko. Look at me.</p><p>“ZUKO!”</p><p> </p><p>I can’t look away from him. It- He amazes me, he’s never failed to amaze me. I feel someone tug at my shirt and mutter in my ear, “Go get him.”</p><p>A ringing resonates from the speakers, and when I snap out of my trance, Zuko’s nowhere to be found. Did he go backstage? Should I go to him? I- I have to- but- but what if he doesn’t want to-</p><p>A hand smacks my back. “Go get him.” Suki repeats, more firmer. I nod.</p><p>I sprint backstage, hoping to catch Zuko, but he’s not there. The only people present are- “Mai. Ty Lee.”</p><p>Mai narrows her eyes at me, and Ty Lee smiles. “Hi, Sokka. Nice to see you again.”</p><p>“Whe- Where- Where is-”</p><p>“Hmm, sorry, Zuko’s not here right now!” Ty Lee jumps down from the case she’s sitting on to whisk me out. “Just go back outside and abandon him again, it’s okay that you wanted to shut him out of your life forever-”</p><p>“What?” I spin around. “I didn’t want to shut him out, he shut me out! And- And who are you to tell me what to do-”</p><p>Mai sighs and points out the back door. “Zuko went to the turtleduck pond. This is a conversation you should be having with him, not us.”</p><p>I move to the door, but Mai stops me.</p><p>“Listen.” Mai looks me right in the eye. “I shouldn’t trust you after the way you hurt Zuko, and I won’t until you make this right. If you hurt him again, we will hunt you down.” Her eyes fall. “You know, he hasn’t been the same since you guys split. Just-" She looks back up. "Bring him back for us, will you?”</p><p>“I’ll try.” I squeeze Mai’s hand. “Thank you.”</p><p>She nods stiffly, and I take off to the pond.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t know what compels me to kiss him. Maybe it’s the moonlight, illuminating the face I’ve seen floating through my dreams ever since we split. Maybe my emotions overtook my body until I needed to embrace him. Maybe I was relieved that he felt the same way. All I know is I don’t want him to leave. Not again. So I kissed him.</p><p>I didn’t mean to confess. I mean, I was going to, but I didn’t mean to confess right after. But it felt so right, in his arms, looking into those deep, golden eyes under a silver moon.</p><p>The words tumble out of my mouth, pushed by the pull of the moment. When he mentions me dating Suki, I can’t help but laugh. He’s always had a knack for making me crack up, even if he didn’t intend to.</p><p>It’s true that I gave him my favorite sweater. At the time, I didn’t think about it much. I thought he would give it back, but I never asked for it, and then we fell out of touch. I didn’t realize how much I loved him. I love him.</p><p>I won’t let him go again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was super fun to write to be honest (and I wrote a majority of it yesterday bc brain went nyoom with the prompt)</p><p>I don't know what songfics are normally supposed to look like, so I kinda bullshit all of it and hope it makes sense in the end lol</p><p>Ngl, the first time I listened to this song, I cried. The lyrics are just so *chef's kiss* beautiful and the music video? Gorgeous, truly a masterpiece</p></blockquote></div></div>
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